tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
