where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
