Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
