Swine flu is the new snow day.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
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& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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