this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
