god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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