I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
