dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
