were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
