why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
