My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
