if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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