Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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