There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
