She announced her abortion via fbk
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
