Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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