Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
