I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
