Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
