I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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