goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
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