she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
