I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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