I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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