it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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