Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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