wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
