I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
