I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
