Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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