I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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