it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
