He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
