Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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