Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
