I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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