i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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