So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize