I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
