Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
