I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
