Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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