Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
