Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
