9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
