Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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