And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I supernannyed him into submission
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
