Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
