I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
