eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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