I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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