The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
