MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
