I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
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WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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