All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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