Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
