Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Randomize
