I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
