Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
