my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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