Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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