so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
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Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
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Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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