So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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