update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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