The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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