I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
