Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
