i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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