dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She said her name was "party"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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