Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
